Working Mom Series: Steph
Meet Steph and her son, Teddy 👶
I met Steph in a gym called BOLO in Toronto. She was the HIIT instructor and made the whole group sweat with her energetic, dynamic exercises and an upbeat music playlist. I loved how friendly, approachable and knowledgable she was about her craft. Like Joana she made the HIIT workout into a fun session where you actually learn something new about yourself and your body. She’s also built a great community on IG where she shares useful tips on pregnancy and postpartum fitness. But most of all, I like how real and open she is about her parenting journey, postpartum body image and becoming a new mom.
Her son, Teddy, was born a few months ahead of Lev and she was one of the first people to reach out to me on IG with words of encouragement when I needed it the most. I remember how in the early days I’d breastfeed Lev at 3 am half-asleep, half-awake, my body and mind sore from postpartum recovery and I saw a message from her simply saying that I was doing great and reminding me that somewhere out there were so many other moms who were doing exactly the same thing I was doing right now and it put me at ease. I started connecting with more and more new moms online after that and it was so refreshing. I knew there was a mom tribe on IG, but I didn’t expect the tribe to be so powerful, supportive and welcoming!
In this interview, Steph shares her thoughts on being a full-time employee, having a side business and becoming a mom. I hope you like it!
My name is Steph Park and I’m a first-time mom to my son.
His government name is Theodore but we call him Teddy. As he gets older maybe he’ll want to be called Theodore, or Theo, who knows. But we wanted to give him that choice. We live in the west end of Toronto, between the Junction and North York.
Prior to my maternity leave, I worked from 9-5 in pharmaceuticals. I’m also a personal trainer and coach with a specialization in training pregnant and postpartum athletes, so I run classes, create special programs and provide one-on-one training with moms across the GTA.
When I became pregnant, I knew that movement would be a big part of my journey. However, I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information on pregnancy and I was confused by the guidance I could find for exercising during pregnancy. It was vague and based around avoidance: “keep your heart rate below 140 BPM”; “don’t lift more than 25 pounds”.
During my pregnancy, I shifted my mindset to start training in a way that honoured this special chapter of my life. I began integrating strategies to protect and preserve my core and pelvic floor as best as possible, knowing that it would serve me well in my postpartum phase.
I wanted to be the coach for women that I didn’t have for myself during this time, so I became a certified Pregnancy and Postpartum Athleticism coach.
I took special care to treat my mental and emotional health with the same care that I did my physical health, developing the coaching method that I wish I had had access to when I entered this phase of my life.
On her typical day and going back to work:
I’ve taken a full eleven months away from my full time job in pharma, but I originally had expected to only need four weeks off after giving birth to start back up with my personal training clients. In reality I needed way more time, so I pushed all those commitments back by nearly another month. I started seeing clients virtually at about seven weeks postpartum.
Typical day usually starts as early as 7am, or as late as 8am, it really depends on what time Teddy decides to wake up. Some morning I’ll have early morning virtual clients so I’ll be up and down in our home gym training with clients while my husband takes care of Teddy.
However, by 9am, I am on full mom duty.
Teddy currently takes two to three naps a day, so during his naps I squeeze in a workout, make some food for myself, clean, do dishes and bottles, program sessions for clients and work on course work for my own professional development. Between entertaining Teddy, feeding him bottles and solids, cleaning up after he eats and chasing him around the house, when 6pm rolls around my husband takes over to give me a second to myself before I start making dinner. My husband is usually on bedtime duty so I’ll help him get started and then it's my time to relax.
My in-laws live in the city so my mother-in-law comes over on Mondays, which is my busiest client day, and she watches Teddy while I work with clients. When I go back to work full time in February, we’re really fortunate that our moms will be moving in with us and alternating childcare responsibilities every two weeks.
On challenges that come with being a working mom:
Some of the biggest challenges for working moms include prioritizing themselves. I do my best to make time to fill up my cup and take care of myself, both mentally and physically. Other challenges for a working mom can include maintaining a healthy work life balance, dealing with the never-ending efforts to multitask, and grappling with mom guilt.
I love the balance of being able to work and use my adult brain but also the time away from Teddy while I work makes me appreciate and be so much more present in the moments we do spend together. Also, after being apart for some time, seeing Teddy’s face light up and arms reaching for me when we reunite is one of my favourite things ever.
Motherhood is extremely rewarding but having to chase around a very mobile and very energetic infant on next to no sleep can quickly lead to feeling burnt out, combined with an overwhelming sense of feeling like I’m underperforming in all areas of my life: mother, wife, friend. I don’t think that makes me a bad mother, it just makes me human.
My way of coping with it is to communicate it to my husband, as hard as it can be. Being open about it and having support from your partner to figure out what we can do to make me feel better has helped. Most times it’s figuring out how we can re-shuffle some responsibilities, even temporarily, or just finding time to step away and get out of the house on my own for an hour or so to decompress. Also, having my parents come and stay with us so that I can get some extra help and extra shut eye, is definitely helpful.
Having had a small taste myself of being a working mom these last couple months, I’m even more appreciative of my own working mom and all the other moms out there that juggle career and family.
I think it’s important to understand that some days are just going to be tougher than others. Almost certainly you will feel like you’re being pulled in all different directions and maybe you’ll be afraid of being an underperformer in one of the areas that is important to you. Remember to be kind to yourself in these moments.
In the long run, that stress will pass and the people that love you will still be there for you. Focus on taking care of yourself, your relationships and your family, and things will work out in the end.
Working Mom Series: Joana
Meet Joana and her daughter, Milana 👧
I met Joana back in 2013 when she came in to teach yoga at Ryerson University where I used to work. It was my first ever yoga class and she immediately made me fall in it. She was so calm, collected, friendly and very knowledgable. I loved that she explained why we were doing all these moves and poses, and did it in a non-judgmental, very educational way. Joana is a FST therapist and Ayurveda Skin care and wellness practitioner. She lives in South Etobicoke, and have a 5 year old daughter Milana.
Here she talks about running her own business and being a full-time mom and the importance of having a fulfilling life outside of motherhood. Hope you enjoy!
I do many things. I am often juggling a few unique interior design projects a year and some commissioned art pieces however the bulk of what I do and truly love is Facial Stretch Therapy (FST) and teaching.
I teach a number of workshops and programs on personal development, mindset, embodiment and natural health and beauty. These workshops focus on whole body- mind health and transformation.
I work with clients one on one; Facial Stretch Therapy (FST), Sound therapy, Movement, Mindset coaching, and I also run group programs a few times a year.
I took a full 5 month break once I gave birth and returned to the studio to teach 3 times a week at 5 months postpartum.
I only returned to a full schedule of clients and teaching once my daughter was 2 and in daycare.
On her typical day:
I wake up at 7, have coffee 😊, then make breakfast and get Milana ready for school. Sometimes I work out after dropping her off , other days I go straight into work with appointments, meetings, zoom calls, workshop development, or design work for a new project.
I always take 10-20 mins of quiet time for myself before starting work every day, it’s a must for me. Sometimes its sitting in silence with my coffee or tea, other times it’s a full meditation or a sound session with my crystal bowls.
I do most of my work while Milana is in school. I also share her with her dad and he takes her after school every second week which is so helpful and gives me time to get a lot of work done.
On the biggest challenge about being a working mom:
I would say that the biggest challenge isn’t just working, it’s running my own business where work actually never ends. I always have work to do at home, phone calls planning, and meetings and they don’t just end at 3:30pm when Milana comes back home.
It’s also hard to take time for me, time to workout, time to recharge, but I try my best even if it’s just 20 minutes a day.
On burn out and the importance of having a life outside of motherhood:
For me it’s important to have a fulfilling life outside of motherhood. I need to be inspired and stimulated beyond the home and my role as Mother. We are dynamic creatures that crave passion, creativity, and learning, and I get that from being a mom but also from exploring my own development and growth through my work and my clients.
I did experience mental and emotional burn out and, yes, as a mother and a professional. When I’m feeling burnt out I like to book a reiki session ( that’s my go to) but I don’t wait until the burnout anymore …
In the last two years I’ve learnt to prioritize “me time” – daily and weekly. And ‘ me time’ isn’t working out – that is body health maintenance. What is truly time for one’s self is something that is nurturing and soothing.
I like to take a day to just do nothing at all … read, walk, play music, have a salt bath, massage my body if I can’t book one. Quiet alone time really helps me rebalance and re-ground. If and when possible time away to a peaceful destination where I can do yoga, meditate and be in the sun – well then that is just the perfect medicine for me 😊
On removing guilt from your life and other tips:
Make space for yourself daily – weather it means getting up earlier than everyone so you can have 10-20 minutes to yourself or doing it mid day, but make room daily for some “you time” in quiet stillness.
Book yourself something soothing weekly:
Coffee with a friend
A massage
Reiki
A facial
A walk in nature. Pick one and book it into your calendar, get a sitter for an hour if need be, but do it and make no exceptions.
Make time for play and pleasure: whatever that means to you. Painting, dancing, cooking, whatever it is, it must be fun! We need peace and quiet to ground and balance, and we need playfulness and pleasure to ignite our fire, and turn ourselves back on. Back on to life, to our passions, and our creative playfulness.
Remove guilt from your life! Do not feel guilt for having needs and listening and responding to your own needs. You cannot parent from lack and depletion. Guilt robs you of your joy and peace… Nurture you as you nurture your child and both you and your child reap all the benefits.
I think these 4 things not only help us navigate the exhaustion that comes with working and being a mama, but will also help us navigate the ebbs and flows of life itself, our cycle and moods, and our relationships; the one with ourselves, our partners, and our children.
Working Mom Series: Frances
Meet Frances and her family:
Mila 👧, Wes 👶, Logan 👶, Nash 🐶 and Igor 👱
Frances is a founder of Chantilly Lace Events, an event planning and styling company in Toronto specializing in weddings. As an event planner, she’s on day and night, catering to her big family and clients who she loves a lot. When she found out she was pregnant with twins back in 2020, she knew she had to find a way to juggle her busy schedule on the go. Here, Frances talks about joys and frustrations of motherhood and entrepreneurship in her own words.
I want to say I have been in the event industry for 10 years now, although it feels like a year or two.
Not in terms of knowledge, but how fast my life’s gone by. When I think back I’m like “Oh my God, it’s been 10 years!” but it feels like yesterday.
My everyday schedule is always different because it depends on how many events I have coming up. I work about eight to nine hours a day, but it’s not in one sitting. It’s more about doing a little bit of everything every minute of the day. I was answering some texts as we did our photoshoot today and as we’re speaking right now I just got five emails. I have also blocked off four hours at night to work on an event design. So this is how my day is usually spread out. I also run some last minute errands on Thursdays and Fridays when it’s closer to the event to grab all the event details, like table decor.
Finding the time to do my work is actually the hardest part about being a working mom, because you want to spend time with your kids.
But the reality is my kids will be at home playing and I’ll be running around answering calls. My clients are aware that I have kids and that they’ll be screaming in the background if they call me during the day. But that’s life right?
I plan and style weddings which is a very important event in my clients’ life. I want my clients to feel like I’m with them all the time, which I am, and I’ll do everything for them. But I also want them to know that I have kids. That’s why my Instagram has a lot of my family.
On returning to work after giving birth:
With my first born, Mila, who is 3.5 years old now, it was a bit different because we were not in the pandemic. I remember I was in the hospital in labour and had a client call scheduled that day. I called the person and I was like: “Hey! I just want to let you know I'm in the hospital. I'm in labor. So if you want to reschedule, we can reschedule or I'm still happy to do the call.” It was right before my contractions started getting bad. So I did my call.
Once you give birth you’re on adrenaline the first few weeks and the newborns sleep all day. So I started working literally the second I got back home. I’m running my own business so I had no choice. My daughter came with me on all my meetings. I was working with another planner and she was doing a special on CTV. I brought Mila with me. I just put her in a carrier and got down to decorating the set for the segment.
With twins, though, it was different, because we were in a pandemic.
I really didn’t have anywhere to go. I had no clients. I had nothing. This is when I had postpartum depression. First, there was no sleep. Second, there was Mila who needed attention and then COVID. And it was just a disaster. One of the twins, Wes, was born underweight. I had to take him to see the doctor every two days for months until he gained proper weight. He was quiet all the time and wouldn't eat and the doctor was seriously concerned. I literally thought he was going to die.
When I gave birth, they also took Logan away because he could’t get his body heat. It was the scariest moment of my life. I was laying there and only had one baby. They took my other son away! I could hear nurses talking but I couldn’t understand. I asked them “Can you please tell me what’s happening?” and they answered: “We’re debating if he has to go to NICU or not”.
When we returned home, I didn’t have enough milk. Both boys wouldn't latch and I’d pump every two-three hours. That, plus bottle feeding, plus burping two babies, plus Mila. It was a lot.
On emotional and physical burn out - as a mother and a professional:
When the twins were 3 months I have now not slept for 3 months. Mila wasn’t in daycare because of the pandemic, and she was acting out. I was at home with three kids, healing from a C-section. Logan had the most sensitive stomach and was literally crying all day and all night. I couldn’t get them to nap. And I just remember sitting on a couch and crying: “If this what my life looks like, I don’t want to do this anymore.”
But there’s nothing you can really do. You’re not going to decide “I’m not going to be a mother anymore”. You still have to be a mother! So I just plowed through it until the boys got to the age when I could sleep train them.
I hired a sleep consultant and it saved my life. I did everything the book said, but I just could’t make them sleep because they were on a different pattern being a month premature. Hiring the consultant was the best decision I made. So that was my first burn out.
Later, when the boys were one year old and I was getting busier with work, I remember being on a Peloton and having a panic attack all of a sudden.
So I started a bit of therapy and it was very helpful. I believe for any new mom, or just any mom, it’s very important to do even a minimum of therapy. I started on an anti-anxiety medication which was also very helpful. I don’t think it should be a shameful thing. It helped me and it helped me be a better mom.
I always thought things have to be a certain way with kids, but it’s not like that. I think it’s the same way with work. There’s no time to burn out.
For example, I planned this bar mitzvah the other day. It was very difficult. It was one of the most difficult events I’ve ever planned. And now when the event’s adrenaline faded, I feel tired. But there’s no time to be tired. As a mom, you’re always on the next thing.
So one of the things I started doing is just taking 5 minutes for myself. I do something small just for me. It sounds ridiculous, but I put on perfume every morning. And that’s my '“me” thing. I want to smell pretty. It only takes 3 seconds. Another thing is making my bed. I know it’s going to get messy in five minutes but I still make my bed every morning. Also walks. Walks help. I think they really helped my anxiety.
My other trigger is questions. I tell my husband: “I have a daughter who is 3.5 years old and is literally in a “why” phase, asking me a million questions. I have my boys who need me all the time. And then my husband who is asking me where are the car keys? Where is my hat? You need to stop”. And he knows. There’s a point when everyone’s just shhhh… and I just sit and get my quiet time.
And at my job clients need me all day. It’s the feeling that everybody needs you at all points of time and you can’t just shut off. That’s what I find very hard.
On how life changes when going from one kid to three and “mom guilt”:
When you have one kid, your life continues as is, especially in the beginning. But I went from one to three. I don't even know what two look like. It was a big shift. And I didn't want my daughter, Mila, to feel that shift. So we were on her schedule.
We started updating our routine when the boys were around three-four months and they had to start sleeping at home. That's when things changed for her. We needed the boys to nap in their cribs, so we were stuck at home a lot. But you kind of just do it. You don't have a choice. With one kid, it's easy to be strict and diligent. But once you go up, you kind of just have to let go. I gave birth to the twins on a Tuesday via C-section. By Saturday the whole family was out at Mila’s soccer game, because I didn't want her to feel left out.
When it comes to work, it’s also easier with just one kid. With the twins, it’s a lot more logistically challenging.
I can't leave them with one person - I would have to organize two. I would have Igor and another person come. I also had a lot more of “mom guilt”. I have a lot of “mom guilt” with the twins generally. For example, they've been sick for a month, and they needed their mom, they wanted me to hug and hold and kiss them. But I have to work. I'm on calls all day. And I can't give them the attention that they need. I'm working and I feel bad. On top of that I'm trying to make dinner while working and they're screaming. So it's just juggling all of it which is hard sometimes.
Also because of COVID, we can't do a lot of things, so they don't get to experience that. I've left them a lot the last two weeks and I feel like a really bad mom. I hope I’m not. I try to spend an hour with them playing. But then I have to go get lunch, take Mila to gymnastics, and get dinner ready. By the time I get to breathe out, it’s already time for bed. So I've missed a big chunk of time with my boys. It makes me sad.
On how typical working mom day look like:
Mila wakes up at around 7:00 am. She brushes her teeth and I get her dressed. When the boys wake up, they come and join us. So we usually have a family teeth brushing session! After that we all come downstairs and all kids get smoothies for breakfast. I get Mila’s meal ready for daycare. In the meantime, the boys are just running around going crazy. I put on Mila’s hat, boots, everything, and Igor takes her to daycare.
Then I try to put clothes on the twins. Each of them typically poops twice, so that’s four diaper changes by 9 am. Then we go for a walk with Nash. After that we come home and they play. At this time, I’m running around cleaning up, answering emails and calls. Once they go for a nap, I take one hour for work and at least 30 minutes to exercise. Then my nanny comes at 1 pm and I get the dinner prepped. Once the boys wake up, I give them lunch and go get Mila while they’re playing at home. I give everyone dinner, a bath, and once everyone’s asleep I work till midnight.
Getting ready for a work event on the weekends is an event in itself.
I have to organize where the kids are going to go, how they're gonna do it, what they’re going to eat and so forth. So let's say it's a Saturday event. The kids have a program at 9 am. So I take the kids to the program, they come home at around 10:30 am. Mila has soccer. So typically I’ll organize and Igor will then take her to soccer. This way I have at least that hour an a half with the kids.
I pack their bags the night before if they’re going to see their grandparents. I try to have it all covered, just in case. So I pack a suitcase for them with snacks and food and all their stuff like their sleep sacks, everything. Have their lunch prepared. My mother in law will typically come right before I leave for the day. I'm very lucky that I have my in laws and my mother help when they can. Both of them work, so it's not like I can just call them up anytime I want. But I have their support. They help on Wednesdays and on weekends.
On the importance of being a good role model by being a working mom:
I love working. I love my job. And I love my career. I also feel like when you become a mom, you lose a lot of your identity. I'm no longer Frances, the event planner. I'm the mom. But after a while, you start feeling like you need to become a person again. Someone you used to be before you became a mom. For me, I was an event planner. A lot of my life is catering towards other people and their needs. And I always loved that. It makes me happy and I need to have that to be a happier mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to pieces. But being with babies every single day is hard. It's hard on your emotions. It's hard on your brain. You need something for yourself. And my work is kind of my outlet. It's nice to go out, to talk to people.
I also want my kids to know that if you want something in life, you work for it.
I want them to know that mommy works. Mommy's trying to do something for you guys, for your family and for herself. You don't rely on just one person to do everything for you. I want my boys to know that too. I don't want the boys to be grow up and be like: “I'm a man. I do everything and you just sit at home”. I want them to know that your partner in life needs to have their own identity too. And if they want something they need to work together.
It's funny because the other day I had a meeting and I was planning for Mila to come with me. I said to her: “I'm going to my meeting. Do you want to come with me?” And she responded: “I'm busy at work here”. She took her toy laptop, made a little desk, brought a clock with her, and pretended she was answering emails!
I know everyone says that but your moments with your kids are so short. It’s like: Snap! And they are different.
Be kind to yourself and don’t feel like you need to do everything. You need to prioritize your life. But don’t feel like when you prioritize you have to get it all done. My priority is to make sure my kids are happy, my clients are happy and I am happy. And if it means that I don’t put on makeup that day, I don’t put makeup on.
Another big thing is don’t go around comparing your life to others. All kids are different. Look, I have twins and one of them is walking and the other is crawling. They are different.
Just be nice to yourself. If you need to order takeout, do it. Hire meal planning services. Eat pasta everyday. Who cares?
Before having kids I had this mentality that I’m going to work, I’m going to take my kids to programs, make beautiful dinners and I will look good all the time. And here I am. It wasn’t a realistic thing. Be nice to yourself and you’ll get a hang of it. When I just had Mila, I was all about doing it by the book. I’d talk to my friends who have kids and say: “But this is not what the book says!” When the twins were born, all my rules went out the window. You just have to let it go. Like I gave them dinner while they were in a stroller. I won’t interrupt their play if we are having a really good time together because it’s bed time. You just have to let it go sometimes.
And be kind. If you’re going to be mean to yourself, a) your kids are going to feel it, and b) you just won’t be happy and you can’t parent if you’re not happy.